So I seem to be on a bit of a downer at the moment. I’ve been doing great for ages with my mental health and well being, but this week it feels like I’ve been hit by a freight train.
Now my closest friends know that I struggle with my self-esteem at times and I may come across as really happy and confident a lot of the time even when I truly feel like shit!
I often have feelings of not being good enough, not clever enough, not talented enough and it can happen just by overthinking about things and then I get stuck in a rut about how down I feel and how useless I am. It’s nothing to do with material objects, more just generalised feelings and how I personally feel about myself.
You know that feeling when you feel like you have done truly great, only for you to feel like it wasn’t good enough, or someone tell you how much of a crap job you’ve done. That’s me! Around 80% of the year I am absolutely happy with my life and where I am, but that other 20% can be the most debilitating time of the year, it may happen all at once or it may happen over the whole year.
I may cry myself to sleep because I can’t deal with how I feel, or I may not want to get out of bed in the morning. It is literally one of the hardest things to deal with for me because I have so much to be grateful for and a wonderful support network. My boyfriend is literally the most amazing man on the planet, he deals with my crazy like it’s no big deal (even though it almost tore us apart years ago!) He loves me for who I am and without him I don’t know where my life would be.
Hopefully this rut won’t last too long and I will be back to my usual self. Sorry for the rant guys but I needed to get it out.